I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
