using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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