A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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