I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize