He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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