Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
