I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
