I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
