I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
