You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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