I got chris browned last night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize