awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
