I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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