You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
