if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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