I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
