Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
