just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
