Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
