I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
