I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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