She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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