She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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