I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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