i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
