i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
