Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
