eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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