he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
