so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
