Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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