I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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