I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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