is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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