my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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