I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
