Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
