I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
