true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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