We're facebook friends in real life
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
