i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found puke in my bra..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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