Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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