Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
