one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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