just come out here and I will go home with you...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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