I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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