Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Even my vagina gasped.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
