capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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