I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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