this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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