I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
