dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
