just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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