If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
