I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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