I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
