My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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