before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
