just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
