I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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