I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I believe in your delicious
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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