dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
