dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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