just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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