Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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