Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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