ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
