If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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