he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
