ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You were trust falling into bushes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
