my text book just quoted the cookie monster
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
