i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
