you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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