My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
