No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I deserve this hangover.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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