I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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