I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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