Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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