I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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