i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
