I'm lost and stupid without you.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
