You work out of a Hotel?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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